Does Money Affect Who Our Friends Are?

Okay, let me say right off that I don’t know the answer, I’m throwing it out there as a discussion question.  I’d LIKE to say no, but I think the real world answer is more complicated than that.

I think that, subconsciously, it probably affect us more than we know.  Most of us tend to make friends with people who go to the places we go, do the things we do, and enjoy the things we enjoy.  So lots of times, those people tend to be in the same general financial state we are in.  I, for one, wouldn’t have that many opportunities to rub shoulders with yacht-owning multi-millionaires to discover that we have lots in common.  Most of the people I encounter in my life, I perceive to be somewhere in a spot somewhat similar to me.  Of course, that’s just my perception, who knows what the reality is?  I have often met moms at the playground, who I was sure from first impression were very well off and somewhat snobby, but later met them for real and discovered they were great people.  I don’t know what their first impression was of me.

I personally feel intimidated and a little “out of my league” around people I think are in much better financial shape than me.  I don’t know why that is, and it’s not something I love about myself, but I am being honest here.  There is a certain award-winning Christian author who goes to our church, and whom many of my friends know and love.  I have always been, well not quite intimidated, but I guess I felt like “why would she want to hang out with me?” “ they must really have it all together, I mean she is an AUTHOR!”.  Dumb huh? ( Haha, you know who you are :P  ) Then one day, I realized we had something in common, and we struck up a conversation, and you know what? I really like her.  I mean I always knew she was nice, but I guess once the imaginary pedestal I had put her on was gone, I realized that she is another Christian wife, woman and mother going through life.  I really love her company…and her crocheting advice.  The pedestal I imagined her on had nothing to do with money, but I think we do tend to put others on these imaginary pedestals when it comes to this area, and it affects how we see them, and how we relate to them.

Doing this blog, and speaking to my mom’s group about money, has really opened my eyes.  People feel free to come up to me and talk about money, or mistakes they have made too.  Its been one of the most interesting things to me, how so many people make mistakes and our perception of them is that they don’t.  Talking to others about how this affects friendships has been interesting too.

It’s easy to see how you most often meet new friends in the same financial class as you envision yourself.  But what about old friends?  If you have been friends with someone since high school, and your financial pictures have slowly changed until there is a huge divide, does how close you are with them slowly change?  If you are still friends, does it affect the relationship?  If you used to enjoy tent camping together and now one of you is a multi-millionaire who travels the world in first class, are you still going camping in a tent each summer?

What about in families?  Are you and your siblings in roughly the same places? Do you expect that?  How do you feel if one of your siblings is much wealthier than you? If you are the sibling who has worked hard and built things up, do you feel annoyed when the other sibling seems to feel entitled to what you have or to imply that they will still do better than you, as if it is a competition?  How do you interact with those who are nowhere near as wealthy as you are right now?  Do you feel free to strike up a conversation with that mom at the playground who you perceive to be really wealthy? I have to admit, I’d feel intimidated.   What about a friend who makes three times what you do, but is always complaining that they can barely afford to live? 

In what ways has money affected the relationships in your life?